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| Megan and Teresa, Millennium Park in Chicago, 2015 |
It started with a sleepover at her house on B Street in Petaluma in 1976. We were both in the 5th grade. She invited me. I don't recall when Teresa came to McNear Elementary, but I think 5th grade with Mrs. Butler was the first time we were in the same class.
Grade School
California schools had terrible budget issues in the 1970's. We had large classes by today's standards -- about 35 pupils. No gym, art, or music teachers. The main teacher did all of that, as well as teach us to dance. The only prep time elementary teachers got throughout the day was recess and lunch, which were were longer than they are today. We got a few 15 minute breaks morning and afternoon, and an hour in the middle of the day to eat and play.
Our class that year was a hybrid of 4th and 5th graders because the district was too broke to hire another teacher. There was one totally 4th grade class and one totally 5th grade class in the school, and then there was ours. My mother didn't like my class at all. I don't know how I got assigned to the hybrid class, because I was one of the best students in my grade. It was probably because I could work independently. Mrs. Butler would give us reading assignments, worksheets, and math problems. It was all "go at your own pace" with not much group work or classroom discussion. I taught myself most of the math that year by reading sample problems from the text book. If I had a question I could approach Mrs. Butler's desk and stand in line until it was my turn to ask for help.
Next year in 6th grade I was a little disappointed when the teacher, Mrs. Gardener, got in the front of the classroom and actually wrote problems on the board to teach us math.
Although I resented being put with 4th graders, I came to like the learning structure that year. It was perfect for me. The number of minutes per day we were required to sit, be quiet, and focus up front was greatly reduced from a traditional classroom, so we kids had more time to socialize. That's how it came to be that Teresa invited me over.
The First Sleepover
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| Ready for the dance! 1979 |
It was an older house that her parents rented, painted white and with a small oval-shaped stained glass window in the front. There were wood floors, I think, in the living and dining room areas. There were two bedrooms and a bathroom in-between with a tub but no shower. Teresa and her mother Jackie slept together in one of the rooms, and her father and brother Shawn slept in the other. She said her parents didn't sleep together because her father snored. I thought it was cool she shared a room and clothes and makeup with her mother. The kitchen was in the back, and behind it a screen porch led to the backyard area.
Teresa's parents were from Missouri and spoke with a Southern drawl of sorts, which made them seem exotic to me. That first evening Jackie made Southern fried chicken for us kids. Yum. But she cooked hamburgers for Teresa's dad because he didn't like chicken. Right then I knew she was a different sort of wonderful mother than mine. At my house, whatever my mom was cooking, we were eating, my dad included. Mom would not cook a separate dish for just one of us. None of my family dared to be a picky eater.
After dinner we got in our PJs and watched TV. I recall watching lots and lots of episodes of The Love Boat and Fantasy Island with Teresa through the years, but I don't remember what we watched during that first sleepover, since Love Boat didn't air until the following year.
We sat there on her couch and wrote notes back and forth on a pad of paper, swapping comments on many subjects including which 5th grade girls were stuck up and which boys were foxes. At some point she wrote to me, "Megan is my friend." I wrote back, "Teresa is my friend."
Then she wrote, "Megan is my best friend." That was the jumping point for me. Up until that time, this was a pleasant evening with a nice girl from school. I didn't see her as a "best." I didn't see anyone as a "best." But I somehow I wrote back "Teresa is my best friend." Then the magic happened. Truly magic. I had a BEST FRIEND!! Forever and ever. God and Teresa gave me a gift that night.
In my adult life I've had encounters with women who told me they didn't have many friends. Some were new to the area, or trying to make life changes, or just shy. We should all be so bold as to tell others, "You're my best friend!" Everybody could use a best friend. Maybe we don't need just one best friend. What a difference we could make in the lives of others if we could do as 10 year-old Teresa did and declare undying friendship to someone we don't know well. Trust-doubt and experience gets in the way, I think.
The Wonder Years
Monday came at school, and there was my best friend Teresa. Day after day, I had a best friend. We hung out before school, during school, after school, and on the weekends. We spent hours and hours talking on the phone when we weren't together. Having a best friend was awesome.
I remember junior high as being the Wonder Years of our friendship. There were school dances and band concerts, roller skating at Cal-Skate in Rohnert Park, walking around downtown Petaluma, eating ice cream at Swenson's parlor, going to the mall and encouraging each other to get a boyfriend (We didn't manage to accomplish the boyfriend thing very well until high school, but we learned how to tease.). We did each others' hair and makeup. We plotted school pranks together, like hanging a bra in Lincoln's locker. Once we met Lincoln and Steve at Petaluma Junior High for a secret date of tennis (My parents were out of town that Saturday).
We conned the Vice Principle and Mr. Svinth, the science teacher, into switching our schedules so we could take Earth Sciences together. The goal was to be lab partners in the same class as Lincoln and Steve, which paid off because the four of us got to dissect a frog together at the end of the semester. Lincoln did most of the cutting. Since his dad was a surgeon we made him do it.
After I became best friends with Teresa, it was easier to be friends with many of the other girls in school. We had a great group for slumber parties, roller skating and forums during school recess. The group members changed over time, depending on who moved in or out, or just moved on. Kim, Doris, Teresa K., Josephine, Tarim, Chris are some that were in my home in 5th and 6th grade. I risk mentioning names here, because I don't remember everybody after 40 years, but every childhood friendship is precious.
Teresa and I both had painful conflicts happening in our own homes during the pre-teen and early teen years. I would sometimes retreat to Teresa's home to get away from it. Perhaps she occasionally came to mine for the same reason.
High School
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| class reunion, 2010 |
My involvement with the high school music program met many social needs. Marching band at football games in the fall, jazz band at basketball games in the winter, and school musicals in the spring kept me busy and engaged with peers. But I didn't have my best friend beside me anymore.
My church had a phenomenal youth program. I was thrown together with the church kids for Sunday worship, Tuesday night meetings and many Saturday activities. I became close to the "church kids" from the Petaluma Second Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and still have relationships with many of them. We shared a bond of faith, but I wish Teresa was there too.
By my Senior year I had had a couple of older boyfriends and worked after school at a pharmacy. In my spare time I practiced the piano to please my parents and a whole bunch of people at church. I didn't do much with my peers outside of school and church activities. Still, Teresa and I stayed in contact and got together occasionally. I never stopped loving her as a best friend.
Beyond
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| Megan and Teresa out side the Chicago Theater 2015 |
I moved out of California and don't get back much. We don't talk as often as either of us would like. But when we do talk it's still a very intimate experience for me. I can be completely open about my thoughts and feelings.
We've been to several class reunions together. She was there for me when I traveled to California for my father's memorial service. Every time I get back to California I find time to visit Teresa. My son Aaron observed us together once. "It was like you talking to you, Mom. You're two are exactly the same," he said.
(I really ought to be calling her Terry, because everybody does now, but she is still Teresa to me.)
Teresa came to Chicago a while back with her daughter Whitney. I met them downtown; we visited some sites and went to a Broadway show. Hanging out in Millennium Park with her felt like hanging out in Petaluma back in the 1970's. It was wonderful to be able to spend some time together in one of my neighborhoods.
I think sometimes I have forgotten how to be me, as strange as it sounds. These days I play so many different roles for so many different people. If we don't pay attention we can stray from the core of ourselves. That's where having a very old friend is an enormous blessing, because I feel more like me when I'm with Teresa than when I'm with any other person.
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